The first part of the journey was to Zhengzhou. They have a floor of the orphanage there where they also treat and care for the disabled orphans. Dr. Steve decided to take advantage of the opportunity to see the children there since there had been new admissions and it had been about 2 months since he had last personally seen any of the children. He does an amazing job of managing to be a devoted husband and father to his wife and six children, while still serving all of the children in this life consuming job. He took the opportunity to make it a family trip, and Laura, the children, Dr. Steve, another little girl being transferred to that unit, Harvey and I piled into the van and made the couple hour trip to Zhengzhou. Getting there we had to go through Chinese traffic, which is insane in so many ways. I think I am writing a blog next entirely devoted to the random china things I have forgotten to mention next. That will go in there. I will mention we had to drive through and around a road flooded completely to almost the tops of the van tires. Apparently it is regularly that flooded. I found it a rather singular experience.
There is currently one nurse in charge of that unit. She has about 45 children under her sole care with another lady to help run the non medical aspects. It is a crazy thought. I again have to emphasize the dedication and work that these individuals dedicate to this beautiful work. When we got there they had me settle little Harvey in with the nanny after explaining some of his more unique care. They wanted to give me one more night of sleep before sending me off to be a single mom to an infant. We did rounds and the went out for a treat the children had long been anticipating. Pizza Hut. Yes, they have them in China, and they are a very big deal. It is a classy establishment with the waiters and waitresses in matching ties for the men and neck scarves for the ladies. Dr. Steve's children were delightfully excited. I must say that family is completely wonderful and a home away from. They all immediately welcomed me with hand drawn cards on my bed saying how much they loved me on my first night in Maria's. They then helped host a welcome to Maria's desert party for me and spent the evening playing with me. I left happy, too full for dinner, and with a couple of hand drawn pictures to decorate my wardrobe. They are all wonderful and truly feel like a family away from home when I start missing the family of my own. It was hysterical walking through the Chinese mall with these tiny, pale, blue eyed, blond children running all over around us. People all stopped to stare. When we got into the packed little restaurant and tried to coral them in the corner while waiting for a table people would ask for pictures of them or ask their friends who knew some English to try to talk to the children for them. It was absolutely adorable to see.we finally managed to make it upstairs where we all squeezed into a little table and eat. The poor servers were so confused. Anyways, the Pizza Hut had a lot of your typical pizza, but also a lot of additional random sections including rice and caviar and dishes I had never heard of and a lot of specialty drinks of which most had some sort of fruit or flavor beads resting in the bottom. Afterwards they left, I checked on Harvey and slept.
We woke early the next morning and Shannon the nurse and the other lady took me to the airport and helped me check in before wishing me luck and sending me the rest of the way on my own. I gained a great deal of respect for single mothers on the trip. I had Harvey in a cloth sling against my chest, a book bag on my back and in my hands all of our paperwork to get through customs on on the plane. At this point Harvey had woken and was hungry, but I could not fill a bottle till I got through. I proceeded to try to hand over paperwork, answer questions and fill out a boarding pass while trying to use one hand to hold in his pacifier and bounce him. He is an exceedingly well behaved baby and as a general rule is one of the calmest most self contained little munchkins you will ever see, but if he needs to be changed or is hungry it is next to impossible to settle him until you see to those needs. I finally got through and bought a water bottle to make a room temperature bottle for the baby. I had gone to the restroom before I left in hopes I would not have to conquer a squatty potty with luggage and baby attached. I didn't get to change him again before the flight took off since there were no changing tables and he had a rather in depth procedure for changing I was hesitant to do on a public restroom sink. We boarded the plane for probably the longest two hour flight of my life. He had a colostomy or more of an iliostomy with no bag, so when ever the stool touches his skin it burns and makes him fuss. I had been assured he'd be fine for a two hour plane ride. He was just very discontent. He slept for part, and the rest I spent juggling him and bouncing him in various positions while singing quietly trying to keep him calm. He is, let me unbiasedly say, a beautiful baby, especially by Chinese standards of beauty. He has paler skin, large roundish eyes, and adorable tiny features since he is very small for his 3 months. This meant that everyone in the airport would stop and try and get a good look at him and assist me when I was obviously struggling with baby, bottle and baggage. This came in handy on the plane when the dear lady beside me would occasionally hand me items or let me put my food on her tray. This might seem trivial, but at the time it was a BIG deal. I had tried to get him settled enough I could pull him back and have room to put down my tray table and finally had to give up this idea. If he wasn't going to cry he needed to be on my knees bouncing and looking at me. I sadly told the confused flight attendant I didn't need food after all. That wasn't strictly true. I was starving since I hadn't had time to grab breakfast, but there was no possible way for it until that sweet lady made room on her tiny tray. It didn't make much difference. I had a bite of water melon and two bites of the top of a small muffin. I made the amazing discovery that single moms of infants do not need to eat or use the restroom. I got to do both of these things at about 8 that night after getting to and settling in the hospital. Right now I am going into excessive details of a trip that was not that long, but definitely seemed so to me at the time. We made it to the airport in Hing Kong and I had a list of goals in my head I kept going over and over so I didn't forget anything and was able to make it through this. I actually managed surprisingly well. Everything got done and we both survived, and I really didn't get a chance to think of how nervous I was doing all of this for the first time on my very own, with a tired hungry baby crying in my sling. Step one, there was a room devoted entirely to changing babies directly after exiting the plane. I said so many prayers of thanks for that. Next got on a transport to the rest of the airport. Made it through customs. Exchanged the American money I had been given for the trip into Hong Kong money. Found the free customer phone. Called my Hong Kong contact (with help from an obliging security guard. I didn't know how to work foreign calling with plus signs and such. Besides Harvey was hungry and sharing that information with the airport. ). I fed Harvey. I found a taxi. Got to the hospital. Checked in. Had a couple of tests and x rays, settled Harvey, and finally settled for the night and got to do those lovely things like eat, use the restroom and shower. That was the checklist I had running through my head as I made it through step by step.
The rest of my time here has been a day to day process mothering this little one. I change and feed him every two hours, three at night. I sleep in the crib with him, which is more like a twins size bed with bars around it. I have made him a nest to one side and I sleep beside him, usually holding his tiny hand till he falls asleep. I comfort him. When he cries and have him sit in my lap when ever he is discontent because that always seems to sooth him. When I set him down he is perfectly content to watch my face as I do what ever to keep busy when taking care of him. I assist with his colostomy bag changes and his blood drawing helping to hold and sooth him. I take him to every test. I give him his medicine and watch him to see any change and improvement to report to the doctor. Some of the nurses know I am here helping out, while some are still under the impression he is my very own. It amused me today when I was bathing little Harvey and nurse was shocked I didn't speak Cantonese when Harvey had a Chinese name. She then made the obvious assumption that my husband did. In general the nurses here are very nice and the doctors are wonderful. They speak at least some English, though some things make for complicated conversations, bottle vs milk ect. The hospital system here is a little different than back in the states, but I'll describe that in another blog.
Now is a good time to mention medart. I will talk about that, gush about Harvey and then finally finish this blog. Medart is an organization started by some of the doctors here in Hing Kong. They do all of their work on the orphans entirely for free in addition to having their normal practices. Not only that but the raise the funds to pay for the rest of the orphan's hospital expenses. The entire stay here was financed by them. It is called med art because many of them are also musicians and put on benefit concerts to help offset the costs. It is a beautiful thing they started and do for these children who otherwise would never be able to have the treatments they needed and be deemed, there fore, unadoptable. Many of the children that they are able to save or at least ease their suffering would never make it. They are truly an inspiring group of people.
Finally for my favorite part of this blog post. Harvey. I can not put into words what this little one has done to my heart. He looks to me now in a way that he looks to no one else. For the past week and a half I have been his world, sleeping and waking, and he mine. I have seen his first smilies and know what to do to make him stop crying or grin at me. When he is confused or sleepy he looks for my face. He is a little angel. It has been very hard for me thinking of leaving him to another's care or thinking of what the future holds. I was supposed to give him over to another nurse yesterday, but since they said he could go home and wait on surgery until he is bigger I get to keep him and take him back. I can not describe truly the feelings that were going through me as I contemplated giving him up to someone else. Giving up the child that had become essentially my own just when he was going to undergo major surgery and need me the most? It was an unbearable thought. I rarely ever cry, but I teared up more than once that day, and I know I completely put my boyfriend through heck as he tried to comfort me and I wouldn't have any of it because there really is no comfort or reassurance for that. I spent most of the day thinking of the future this child will have. God willing surgeries will go well and they will be able to work miracles and he could have a fairly normal existence with little hint as to the work that went into creating that reality. The alternatives are varying degrees of impairment he will have to live his life with. I imagine this little one going through kindergarten where children are brutal in the honesty, and middle school, high school, college, and eventually having a job and family of his own. I see all this and know that it is likely going to be a very tough road for him. Not only does he have the surgery to go through, but life with what ever difficulties his impairments will create for him if not entirely treatable, and then dealing with the fact that his family looked upon his beautiful face and deformities and chose to abandon him. He currently has no family and won't be on the top of any adoption list. Right now his future holds no family. He will have to grow up and struggle through all of this alone with no one to love him. The hardest part is that I do love him and I would love to be able to be there for him through every trial he has to to face in future. I want to be able to love him enough that no matter his beginnings he knows he always has a place, will always be loved, will always belong, and will never be alone again. When I look at the reality I know I am 23 and not set up to support even myself. I could never afford or even qualify for the adoption process. Asking any of my family to adopt him so I could keep him close would be unfair. I do realize that over the course of this process I will come to love many children. Hopefully with his cute face and positive prognosis on surgery he has a good chance of finding a family of his own. Knowing all this doesn't change the fact that looking at his bright eyes always looking at everything, feeling his tiny hand gripping my finger, seeing his cheeks quiver into an almost grin of someone still figuring out how, I know that I never want to leave that up to chance. I always am going to want to be beside him to watch him grow, and if I leave China and never see him again I will always wonder throughout every stage of my life what happened to the little one that stole my heart so many years ago, was he loved? Did his life turn out well? Did he have a family? What if he had stayed with me? What if I didn't except the reality that reason tells me I should and I tried to make a different life for him than the one he has currently?
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