Maria's Big House of Hope

My whole purpose in coming to China was to serve these orphans in what way I could. When I arrived in Luoyang and was able to see where the base of my mission would be. It is an amazing place. It is palace that iliac it's every sort of emotion. I was able to experience it for the first time through the team that flew in with me. Maria's hosts teams of volunteers for a week at a time and let's them play with the children and learn some about their purpose. It was wonderful to be able to share my first experiences with them. They were/are all wonderful people and welcomed me to their group and let me participate in their meetings where I also learned about my new home. Mari's was founded by a couple who was moved to help these Chinese orphans and has been helping them for years. They started by being allowed to select two of the sickest children to take and help treat, having to leave the rest behind. Later they came to view them as an asset and started to send them their sickest children. They eventually allowed them a floor of the orphanage to treat these children. They were not only struck with the needs of the disabled or I'll orphans, but also by those that were most certainly unable to survive. They started asking for these children as well, so that they would not have to die alone. They could die comfortable and being held in someone's arms. Eventually they were able to grow and branch out opening floors in orphanages across china. Due to some very large donations they were able to open Maria's Big House of Hope, a hospital/sanctuary for the most ill orphans they are either able to treat and restore to some semblance of a normal life or usher on to the father wrapped in comfort and love. It is a beautiful, yet tough purpose. It is something you can not truly comprehend until you see it first hand. I know the team was torn between the great joy and the terrible emotional pain they experienced with every interaction. Honestly I was as well, though it was from a slightly different direction for myself. 

There are usually 144 children, almost all under the age of 4 housed at Maris's Big House of Hope. There are 2-3 nurseries on very floor. The 5th house the ICU nursery where many of the children go who are gravely ill or have a strong likelihood of not surviving. There is always hope of graduation from the floor, and some do, but many don't. The harsh reality is that more children breathe their last in Maria's than recover and move back to the orphanage or on to families. That is not something you would imagine going floor to floor seeing children laughing and playing. Walking into a room and having three little ones rush up to tumble in your lap, and another giggling at you from a bouncer. You do see many feeding tubes, some oxygen, children with urine bags, children unable to walk, some with enlarged heads or deformed limbs, and a lot of CP or Down's syndrome, but more than that you see smiling faces and laughter. These children are so responsive to love and affection. There is one little boy about 3 that loves to give kisses. He will walk up to you and plant one on your lips, then kiss himself in the mirror, and his toy, and his cracker :P Another little boy who can't walk but will pull himself into your lap if you sit near him, and so many who are not able to do much, but if you touch their cheek or hand they will turn towards you and nestle close. I can not begin to explain the joy of just sitting in a room and have little ones reach up to you, or a little boy shy of most people start trying to walk to you and giggling at your faces, his repaired cleft lip crinkling up at you. 

There, when fully fully staffed, is a nurse to a floor and one for both the 5th and first. Currently there are three nurses out and one pulled in to assist leaving two nurses for 144 children. When I asked about the shifts a nurse works there it was explained to me that the nurses are on 24/7. They do official rounds twice a day and spend the rest of the day checking children and answering the questions so the i.e.s. (I don't know how to spell the Chinese word, but it means "auntie" and is the term used for the nannies. It sounds I E. ) The nurses live on their floor and the ie's will wake them if there is a problem and if a child has a rough night they are up all night and still do their rounds at 8 in the morning. There is typically and ie for every 2 children. They all only speak mandarin, but are extremely sweet and friendly. I can not tell you how many time one has tried to hold a conversation with me. It amuses me because they do the same thing Americans do and sometimes think if they repeat it and add emphasis it will spark understanding. It does not. So if you are trying to communicate with someone who speaks another language, just keep in mind they don't understand your words and won't no matter the volume, enunciation, pausing, or repetition. They are able to still get their point across sometimes, and I am going to meet with the Chinese teacher when I get back and hopefully learn as much as I can. I truly feel terrible not being able to communicate with them in their own country, besides which I am pretty useless as a nurse to them until I do. The nurses here also function a lot on their own. Since they are short staffed right now they have only 1 nurse in many of their units who function almost autonomously. Since Joyce, the doctor who confounded all of this has been in the hospital Dr. Steve is the only doctor for all of their locations. He sees all of the children at Maria's every day and keeps in constant contact with the nurses of the other units answering their questions and giving orders. The nurses typically deal with the day to day things completely on their own administering oxygen or Tylenol when needed. The amount that these people have dedicated of themselves to this is an amazing thing!

I was considering this and becoming very overwhelmed. I just graduated and am not experienced or confident in my solo nursing at all yet. They are so understaffed and need so much help that I was so worried that I wouldn't be what they needed or able to help much. I was mid flipping out to Caleb when one of the girls from the team came and found me. She hadn't been able to find the nurse for her floor and there was a little boy having a coughing fit and turning blue. She was very concerned and wanted me to check him. I warned her I might not be able to help much, but I went to check. The little boy was tiny with spastic cp and a history of multiple pneumonias due his swallowing issues. He had a feeding tube in and was resting better when I came in. I stayed with him and held him helping calm him through his next episodes and keep upright and try and prevent aspiration. He settled in my arms and was able to so fairly well there. I continued to hold him most of the afternoon. When the nurse and doctor came in they checked him for me. Apparently this had been becoming more frequent. Since he was resting calmly the doctor asked me to come see another little boy who would need someone to accompany him for surgery in Hong Kong if I would be willing. I of course agreed. While we were there we were called back to the room because the boy I had been holding had had another spell. This one was worse so he was checked and put on oxygen and given medication since he had started a fever as well. It was likely he was again suffering from pneumonia. He improved with those measures. The next morning I was informed over breakfast that he had been moved up to Mariah's room. He had had a rough night and probably didn't have much time left. Let me explain who Mariah is. She is the one other nurse from the states. She is the head nurse of Maria's and sees over the ICU on the 5th floor and the children on the first. More importantly she is the mom of every child in that building. She will tell you that and there is not a doubt in my mind that it is true. You could never guess one human's capacity to love until you have met Mariah and seen how she sacrifices any life for herself and all of her love for each and every child there. I went up to her office and she was holding him. She had been with him all night. I offered to watch him while she did rounds and she explained that, no, she wasn't doing rounds that morning. Dr. Steve would cover, he was hers now and she wasn't going to leave him. Dr. Steve came and we checked the one room, by the time we returned the dear little boy was gone. That was hard. Mariah changed his diaper for a fresh one and tenderly wrapped him in a sheet for the orphanage to pick him up. Dr. Steve said a prayer and I assisted and mostly held myself together. After the others walked away I couldn't help touching his tiny head through the white sheet and shedding a few quiet tears as I said my own blessing over this sweet child I had held in my arms calmly settled and sleeping only hours before. We had talked of the reality of Maria's over breakfast and I was aware before I came. I had accepted it, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt to let go of a little one who had so easily stolen my heart a little with only one encounter. He no longer struggled and could finally rest peacefully, it was a truth that was undeniable. They have a beautiful motto there that goes something like this "Comfort always, ease  sometimes, and when possible, save". Basically it means that their main goal is to give comfort and ease pain and only when possible can they actually save a child. Dr. Steve then asked if I was ready to complete my rounds. I nodded yes carefully trying not to show too much emotion and continued on. This was my purpose in being here and I knew this was a reality I needed to learn to live with and come to terms with. With all of this rushing through my mind and heart I entered the next room. A little boy about 2 or 3 I had never met before rushed across the room to give me a hug. I could never dream of explaining what that moment meant to me. That child's hug was everything I needed and more in that moment. That gave me all of the strength I needed to carry on. The next day or two I got to Skype my mother and we both finally cried for that little boy. Even now my eyes are watering writing this with my own dear little one asleep in my lap in a hospital in Hong Kong. That evening a little girl came in no bigger than my two hands at three months. She was returned to them for failure to thrive and because she had gotten so ill there was little hope. She was placed tenderly on an incubator by Mariah who explained that now their goal was to love on this child above all else. I went to check on her in the morning and her incubator was already empty. Mariah had stayed up for her last breath as well. There is so much harsh reality in that place. The children abandoned, probably for their deformities, the stigma of their illnesses, and the fragility of life even in tiny children who should just be starting the journey of their lives rather than ending it. In spite of all of that there is such beauty to be seen in the children themselves and in the people who give all of their lives and hearts to them. No child leaves this world from Maria's unloved or uncared for.