The future in the past

First off, I GOT TO HOLD MY BABY TODAY!!!!! This is terribly exciting news because I have had a cold the past few days. With a cold I still do my rounds, but I had to try not to get too close to or hold the children. This is harder than it sounds. My normal practice is to start rounds a little early and end a little later so I can take the time to play with each child before leaving the room. I usually have at least one child on my hip while checking charts in each room. It is incredibly difficult to explain to a child pulling on your pants leg exclaiming "ma ma ma ma!!" "Hold hold hold!!" (in Chinese) why today you can only hold their hand. It breaks your heart a little, sigh, no baby cuddles. The other really hard part was that because my baby I took to Hong Kong is kept in the room with some of the most seriously ill children I couldn't go in the room at all. It has been 4 days since I have gotten to see him and I usually make sure to go and visit him 2-3 times a day to play with and hold him and remind him how much I love him. So the favorite part of my day was getting to hold my baby. 

The past couple of days have been pretty busy for me. I had my first weekly reports I did on my own for my own floor. Typically there isn't too much to write. You update any changes or problems and weekly weights. If a child has a special conditions that needs something else to be monitored you note that as well. What is more time consuming is that often the nurses use this as a way to record some of the child's history so that they will have a record of it some day. These reports will eventually be added to their charts. In their charts there are stores of their medical documents, but also any pictures of their time here growing up and playing and any other things pertinent to the past we have. When the children come to us from the orphanage they usually have no records given to us and when they leave they take none of our charts or records. The children very much so do not belong to us. We have some meds they give us to give to the children that they may or may not tell us what are. They can come in at any point and give a child anything or take them away for anything and bring them back, or just permanently take them back with no notice. This follows with the records as well. We keep all of these things so that some day there is a chance a child will be able to get a little of their history or that their new family can have a little bit of their child's past. When children are adopted the families are not told this is available. It is only if they somehow know that their child spent time here that they know they can ask for these. A lot of the records kept here are never received by anyone, but they are here, just in case. It is both sad and beautiful, like so many things here.

So when I went through and did my reports this week it was more than the "stable, afebrile" that it could be. I tried very hard to get to know all my 36 babies well enough to put at least a couple of notes in their report about being able to smile, or loving to play with a certain friend, or funny habit of growling, or how they love to blow kisses or that they love cuddles or being tickled. Some of the children are harder than others to write about because they are very limited in their abilities. Some children are not able to do much more than lay on the mat and move their eyes. While others will at least look for their special friends and smile or laugh when they see them. Some are incredibly easy to find things to write about because they are always crawling up to you and getting involved in everything. There is a great deal of diversity here, and it is a special task I have been given that may or may not make a difference some day. We were talking over lunch about the importance of history and how much those little stories about your past mean to you. Many of these children will never have them. I look at these children and know how much they mean to me, and I think of how important those stories I have of them are to me and how much more so to their families or themselves some day. Mariah shared a story of a little boy today that she received here from an ayee at another orphanage that had been with him since his parents had given him up. She was his mama for almost 4 years and when she gave him to Mariah she had to explain to him that she wasn't his mama anymore, Mariah was going to be his mama now. He took that to heart and now looks to Mariah as his mama, as many of the children do. It is heart breaking to know that someday he might never know that there was a lady that raised him through the first years of his life and loved him like a mama, and broke her heart to turn him over to us. I think it is extraordinarily important to know that throughout your life you were loved, and that the people that love you are part of who you are. I don't know that any of my chartings will make it into the hands of families or children one day, but I am going to do my best to keep that up, no matter how busy I am, just in case they do. I think I am going to start writing letters to some of the children to put in their charts so they can read them some day and know a little of their past and know that they were always important and loved. There won't really be anyone else to remember and share their stories from their time here once they move on. I know each of them has touched my life and I would like them to have the chance of knowing that some day. 

Now I will share a couple more interesting cultural things. I am definitely embracing how there are very few things that are rude in the states that are rude here. Where we ate today the benches were little couches you could put your feet up on or stretch out on without anyone giving you another look. I also got noodles which you can slurp and shovel off of your plate for easy access in eating, lol. A couple of differences at restaurants is the to go bag I might have mentioned earlier. You do not get a box, but a bag, even for soup. Also food comes out as it is ready, not all together. Kelsie and I were done eating when Mariah's sandwich came and it was 20 minutes later before my coffee drink came. It is also very rare to find a restaurant that serves individual plates here. Most things are ordered with family serving sizes and shared between a group. Rice is also seen very differently. While most Americans eat rice with all of their Chinese food, it is rare to serve it with your meal here. Rice is a poor mans fare to fill them up when they can not afford any more dishes and are still hungry. To them, you eat your food and have rice at the end in case you are still hungry. At a formal expensive meals a host will never serve rice. Mariah was explaining to me that the price of a meal builds your guanchi with someone. Basically it is your friendship basis and strength of relationship. Everything is based on that in this culture. You always go to the same tailor or use the same driver because you have built up guanchi with them and want to continue to do so. You can give or owe favors based on how much guanchi you have amassed over the years. Business men hosting a business meal will serve a very expensive meal to help build guanchi. When conducting business it isn't the people with the cheapest prices you go to, but those you have the most guanchi with. 

Chinese people are also culturally very blunt. You never have to question someone's true thoughts about something. They will quite casually tell you if they think you are looking fat today or if something looks bad on you. Kelsie and I went down to the kitchens yesterday to grab dinner since I wanted a safety net if they tried to talk to me. When I walked by they told me I was very pretty. Kelsie jokingly told them she was pretty too, but they informed her that, sure but not as pretty as I was because I was whiter. I didn't realize how useful my lack of tan this summer would be :P It just made me laugh because no where could you get away with saying something like that in the states, besides which that very fact is the opposite of what is desirable in the states. 

A final difference I will note is Chinese restrooms. I have mentioned them in passing, but I can not emphasize enough what an impact the experience has. If you are are at all squeamish, do not ever enter Chinese restrooms. I had the distinct pleasure of trying out one at the mall, which is a apparently a nicer one. You walk in to be met with the delightfully damp floor and lovely aroma and leave with questionable things, literally, squishing between your toes. There is no soap or toilet paper. The toilets are the squatty potties with their accompanying questionable soup surrounding them. You can choose then to approach the sinks, if you so desire, but the stuff growing in them and lack of soap makes the decision a little pointless. Over all the entire experience is unique and...special to say the least. Even my strong stomach and easy going disposition were...impressed. 

My babies!

So I did go to the Chinese BBQ yesterday, which was a absolutely delicious and realized the were some cultural things I hadn't mentioned. I will mention that briefly because what I really want to talk about today is my babies. 

The Chinese BBQ is a thing that only exists in the summer. There is a large outdoor grill surrounded by a patio with tables in chairs in the hot sun. Everything served is cooked on outside grills by young Chinese men with out shirts on. That is pretty common actually. Apparently most of the guys in the kitchen rarely wear shirts. I know outside they weren't wearing shoes or shirts, and most of the men on the patio weren't wearing shirts either. It is very common practice for men to just not wear shirts or to do this delightful thing where they pull up over their stomachs to let their bellis cool off. You see many Chinese pot bellies down the street with their shirts tucked up under their arms. It is also very common to stare in China. It isn't considered rude or odd. Being Caucasian in china means that everyone will stare at you. People will turn around so they can continue staring at you when you walk by. I was amused that throughout the entire meal I had people staring at me and watching me eat. I debated just staring back since it was culturally acceptable, but didn't want to risk giving the wrong impression :P The food was absolutely delicious! Everything served is coated in spicey, peppery, delicious seasonings and grilled. We had thinly sliced eggplant and potatoes, skewers of lamb, chicken wings on skewers, and grilled bread stuffed with spring onions. My mouth was tingling when we finished, but we ate every bite and I know I wouldn't mind going back! At one point, being the clumsy person I am I dropped but caught my chicken wing. I would have been slightly embarrassed for being such a mess, especially with my audience, but I was reminded that being a mess is totally socially acceptable in china. Napkins are typically tissues, if they have any at all. Usually they don't. People throw or spit out their bones or things they don't like directly on the floor. Using chopsticks it is easier to scoop food directly into your mouth and slurp your noodles with vigor. they rarely wash the tables even in nice restaurants. A lot of people prefer to urinate in bushes or beside buildings because it is preferable to the bathroomus. You also have different interactions with servers. They don't really check on you. If you need something you yell for it across the restaurant until you get someone's attention. It isn't rude, it is just how it is done. You don't tip either. I have learned other cultural things but that is enough for now. I want to talk about my babies.

I now have my own floor and get to take care of and see the same babies every day. I try to start a little early and end a little later so I have time to visit with my babies. I check the charts and then stop to see and play with each child. I have three rooms on my floor with 12 children in each, all of mine are under the age of 4. I am finding something special about each child every visit I make. Some of them have started calling me "ma!" Or "ma ma!" It is typically said with great emphasis because they are annoyed I am not holding them when they would clearly prefer it that way. I seem to find little shadows when ever I enter a room. The first room has a little boy that will run over to me, flap his arms, and growl at me, then insists on being held and growling at me some more while I look at charts. He has a little friend who is a it more shy, but just as interested in me. She will follow a little behind and also flap her arms at me. I can approach and hug her a little or touch her face, but she'll get a little nervouse if you try to pick her up. The next room I go to has two little ones who are often in the little walkers. The little girl won't say anything, she'll just steadily watch me and follow me across the room till I am done checking all of the charts. The little boy will grin at me and if I walk over he will very gently take my hand or arm and place it between is full mouth of shiny bright white teeth, lol. He is so funny. My roommate loves him because he "looks like a little person" rather than a baby, and he totally does. I am starting to be convinced that biting is his sign of affection since he is always incredibly careful not to actually bite or hurt me and intiates his overture with the biggest, friendliest grin you'll ever see. The last room I go in has another set of little shadows. These two are even more insistent and inquisitive. They both light up and wave when they see me walk in and immediately run over, well the little girl runs. The little boy has no use of his legs so he army crawl his way across the room to me. I start looking through charts and they grab at what ever is in my pockets, they help me turn pages of charts, and reach up insistantly yelling "ma!" for me to pick them up. I take turns holding them on my hip till I am done and tossing the boy up in the air because it always makes him giggle. The ayees sometimes try to distract them away, but they always come back.

All of my babies have found their way into my heart and I am getting to know each and every one. Though at this point learning their names is like so many more vocabulary words since their names are different combinations of the sounds I am learning. I study them when I study Chinese. Though I love them all I think I am to mention a couple more specifically.

There is one boy who, still young is the size of a much older child because of some of his medical conditions. He spends a lot of time in his chair because he is relatively difficult to handle having the concept base of a small child but the strength of a much older one. When I go over to say hi he grabs me and pulls me close to go through my scrub pockets looking for snacks. I never have any, but he insists on looking. He gets frustrated, but it makes him happy when I say hi and smile at him. I grab his hands and start singing what ever tune is stuck in my head and start dancing with him. It brings out his biggest smile every time. He is completely distracted and happy and will start to dance a long! I love watching his face because he will tilt his head and take a moment to process the situation to decide if he likes it and then his smile will start to grow... :-) 

Something I hadn't necessarily expected, but I have found that the little ones with CP have become some of the closest to my heart. The one little boy is usually lying on the mat. When I walk in he looks for me and lights up! I walk over and sit down with him and I am blessed with the most beautifully angelic smile I have ever seen. I can't describe it other than to tell you to picture what a smile would look like if it was made of pure and utter joy. If you can do that you know what his smile looks like. I smile at him and talk to him while touching his face or petting his hair. He just smiles and smiles. When I clap or tickle him he'll start pushing up on the mat like the excitement is more than he can take. I know it means the world to him. When I walked by to check the charts before saying hi he looked so sad until I started waving at him. He was so worried I would forget him. Another little girl I have is a little younger, but just as beautiful. She has the sweetest little face and loves the feeling of my had touching her cheek or my voice talking to her. I have a couple more under like 18 months, and it always amazes me how the littlest thing can make their world :) It is very humbling to say the least.

Some of my babies! Some were still sleeping. That means you do not get to see them all, but I hope thy make you smile as much as they do me.

Becoming part of this world

I have been here at Maria's a little while now and am starting to find my place here. I am easing into life here, something I have come to realize is a luxury not frequently offered with this work. I start my mornings with rounds to check charts and see if there are any troubles with any of the children and end the day the same way. I started out just going with Dr. Steve and seeing them all, and then did pre rounding with some of the nurses. Next I pre rounded alone and started filling meds. Now I do my own rounds on one floor and do the meds or basic procedures needed for it. I have plenty of help since I still can only speak and understand select words and phrases of Chinese. There is a phone the nannies, or ayees, can call with problems. One of the other nurses is manning that for now. I still don't know how a lot of the medical issues are dealt with here, but I am slowly learning. My days start and end with that and are filled with any admissions or problems that occur through out. Otherwise my days are fairly free. I have been told that one of the struggles of living here is the fact that your work is your home, and you also have to find ways of filling the time. I am doing fairly well with it all, though some days are longer.

When I finish early in the mornings I get to Skype and then join my roommate with some of the older little ones in preschool. It is adorable to see the little ones and a great chance to get to know some of them better. When I get there it's usually in time to help with crafts and to help corral the kids when they get crazy at play time. The older ones speak a mixture of Chinese and English so it makes communication interesting. Each has their own personality and I love trying to get to know them. I spend pretty much the entire time laughing. 

After that I spend the rest of the day visiting with Harvey, playing with children, reading, occasionally exercising, and TONS of studying. I have Chinese lessons twice a week and a huge stack of flash cards I carry with me pretty much everywhere. One boy pulled them out of my pocket earlier today and tried to eat them. Dinner wasn't coming fast enough and he thought he could put them to much better use. I often finish off the night after rounds with coffee on the roof or a feel good movie with Kelsie and Mariah. 

 The other nurses and long term volunteers are so wonderful. Mariah is a sweetheart and is always available to help anyone with anything and is always welcoming to everyone. She is mom to more than just the children in this building. She has been a Godsend to everyone here. I could learn so much from her, and not just professionally. She is an extremely strong and spiritual woman with so much more wisdom than most people gain in a life time. Then there is Kelsi, my roommate. She is an intern here this summer and I'll have her to keep me company until October. It is wonderful having someone my own age around. She is absolutely a ton of fun, so bright spirited and thoughtful. I couldn't have been more blessed. I already know I am going to miss her like crazy when she has to go. Right now we get to go exploring some and she saves me when my lack of Chinese is especially difficult. She has currently gotten me motivated to try insanity with her. Yesterday was day 1. I have yet to decide if I will love her or hate her for this. (Love you Kelsi!). Maybe I'll end up super ripped and it will be amazing :P The other nurses are from the Philippines and extreme sweet and silly. I love hearing them giggling and speaking tigali in the kitchen. Lilly, Crystal, and Heidi have been so much help trying to learn how things are done here! They are all so patient and understanding. I don't know what I would do with out them. Here are a couple of treasures I discovered on my iPad when I left it alone with them :P 

Lily, Kelsi, Heidi, and Dr. Steve's youngest son Brucey

Heidi had to help Brucey with this one since he couldn't figure it out alone

I want to talk about where we are located for a bit. It is actually really interesting to me. We are on government property so we are directly behind the state run orphanage 

Beside the mental institution on one side

And on the other is the prison

Just because I thought it was cool, here is a picture where you can see some of the pigs and crops that surround the prison and provide for their kitchens

It is interesting because a lot of the children from the orphanage will end up in either of the two other places when they age out at 14 if they have no where else to go.

These were taken from the roof so here I'll just show a couple more pictures of my overhead view of my little corner of China

This one is a rare treasure in china, a sunset. Apparently you can only ever see them on the rare occasions that the rain has settled the smog enough to let the light shine through. Everyone tries to make it to the roof to see.

Finally, sometimes I go and play with the older ones on the downstairs floor. They are used to teams coming to visit and taking pictures of them, so they always ask for pictures when I come to visit. Taking pictures seems to be very big here in china. I see people taking pictures of everything with their phones, often of the westerners they see. Caucasians are very exciting here! Anyways, the children, very true to form, love it, so sometimes I bring my iPad down and let them play. I am going to share some of those pictures now because they just make me laugh. The ayees are just as funny and always gather round when ever I bring it out and like to be in the pictures. Sometimes they'll see the camera or iPad and make you wait so they can change the child into a cuter outfit or wash their face. It is adorable! Here you are, a happy note to end this blog.

The ayees working at the time with the interested children

She was so cute! All the other children wanted to play with the iPad, but she only cared about the empty case.

They tend to like to all pile on top of me to show their love <3

I had help taking this picture. The little one had a little trouble figuring out how to aim the camera, but I thought it made for an adorable shot even if she cut off our heads.

I hope you enjoyed!

Odds and ends

There are an assortment of things I've encountered in china that haven't appeared in any of my other blogs so I decided to do one entirely devoted to all I have missed. This will include random sights, food, traffic, Hong Kong, and anything that comes to mind. I have probably forgotten most of what I wanted to say, but I'll try.

First off traffic. The traffic in China is like no place else I have been. It is certainly an adventure every time we drive. I kind of just have to laugh as I see people driving all over the lanes, passing right in front of people. There is no cutting anyone off here. It's called driving... I just sit back in utter shock that there are not constant collisions. I haven't really seen a right of way. Everyone assumes they have the right of way and if you want to avoid the hassle of a collision you simply will stop or slow down when some one decides to drive in front of you. There are some cars, a fair amount of busses, and a ton of bikes, scooters and mopeds. That seems to be the main form of transportation. You will see whole families sitting on a moped any which way just calmly hanging on. You see ladies with 3 inch heals, fancy dresses, and designer hand bags on their arms driving their moped or sitting side saddle on someone else's. Something else that is a common sight is seeing umbrellas hooked up to the bikes or mopeds or ladies with face shields and turned around coats even in 100 degree weather. You can also see people randomly walking through busy highways and workers actually sweeping the streets with giant fluffy brooms. There are so many things done here by manual labor that are done by machine or so much more easily in the states. 

Here is just a picture I managed to get of a cart when I had my iPad with me. This is fairly typical.

Here is a picture or the nannies bikes since most of them bike to work. I don't know if I put it yet or not.

Beauty is very important here, and there are some very specific cultural expextations of beauty. One of the main thoughts is that pale skin is very attractive. If you have pale skin it means you don't work in the fields, which is very much so a reality here. You often see workers sleeping on the side of the road taking a nap before going back to doing farm labor by hand. People will often go out with sun hats or umbrellas on sunny days to avoid this distinction. Large eyes are also found beautiful or textured hair. It makes sense in a way. Those qualities are more rare here so they are valued as special and unique. My baby I transported has very pale skin and large eyes so he was an instant favorite in the airports. So many people stopped to tell me how beautiful he was. 

I may just be a total girl, but the fashion here really amuses me. You see so many random things. There does not seem to be a dress code for anything! You go to McDonalds or a fancy restaurant and you see ladies dressed in fancy dresses and heels completely done up sitting next to others in mismatched t shirt and comfy pants. Matching is not necessarily a thing here, any pattern or color can be worn together. I have seen a lot of camo and leopard print. English t shirts are a big thing. We went to the grocery store where they were selling some and I couldn't stop laughing! There were some that were proverbs that were just a selection of words that made no sense together and repeated, or even some that were random letters put together to look like words! Also, pretty much every outfit can be worn with heals.

I did go to Hong Kong, which was a very unique experience. I didn't get to explore too much since I mainly stayed in the hospital, but I took a couple of pictures from my window. Apparently Hong Kong is a different world since they are very Brittish in their make up. They were apparently leased to Great Britain for 100 hundred years and were only returned to china recently. They have their own money, speak Cantonese, and drive on the left side of the road. It was a lot cleaner there than mainland china and just seemed like a really neat place. Everything was squashed together but there seemed to be really nifty stores every where. Luckily a lot of people there speak at least some English so I was able to get along really well actually. I really want to go back some time and get the chance to look around! Apparently everyone here loves the chance to go to Hong Kong because you can get a lot of western things not available in mainland china. Here are a couple of pictures from the window of the hospital room on the 26th floor.

And here is one showing some of the mountains in Hong Kong from the train to the airport

Now on to food since I have been asked to describe that as well. Everyone wonders if American Chinese food is like "real" Chinese food. The answer would be a really indecisive yes, no, and it depends. It is still weird to me to see all of the varieties chiense restaurants. America has one generic "Chinese" style restaurant, while every restaurant here is a "Chinese" restaurant and they all sell different things! Every meal is served with chopsticks and soups are drunk from the bowls. I have eaten a fair bit of food from the cafeterias here which are entirely Chinese food cooked by Chinese chefs. The first meal I ate had me worried because it was a cold tofu and vegetable salad with red bean paste stuffed rolls... it was...ok? I wasn't a major fan. Since they serve the same things for all meals during the day I opted for grilled cheese for dinner instead. They also had a rice porridge available that they serve at most meals. It is kind of like slightly thickened rice water. My other experiences have been more pleasant. I really enjoy the food over all, though it probably wouldn't qualify as exactly healthy. They serve pretty much everything very salty, drenched in oil, and fried. In China they seem to use a lot of tofu and various fungi. I am not as much a fan of that part, but otherwise delicious. I have had meat and vegetable stuffed buns, potatoes and pork, spicy green beans, sweet tomatoes, vegetables and noodles, and scrambled eggs and tomatoes. They have these really awesome rolls that are super salty but yummy. They twirl them all up so they look cool.

Here are a couple of our other meals here at Maria's

The upper right is tofu and celery. The bottom right is pork and cabbage and other veggies.

In Hong Kong I got to order off of a menu and try a variety of things. I had more trouble with that than expected. I wasn't going to order a separate meal if I didn't like it. Some were delicious. Probably my two favorites were

The something or other style of fried rice (every meal was served with that little bowl and spoon)

And the rice noodles with beef

Though rice for every meal does get a little old, lol.

My least favorite was probably the chicken

As you can see, when they serve chicken, they serve every part of the chicken including skin, cartilage, bone, marrow, and a teeny tiny bit of boiled meat. That was hard for me to get used to. They use all parts of a lot of the meat. When ever you eat pork it is at least 50/50 meat and fat, sometimes more fat. The sweet and sour pork was delicious, except for the fact that you could never tell of the piece you were biting into would be all fat or have meat in it. You also had to be careful to fish out the cartilage. 

I have been to a couple of the restaurants here, and it is always terribly exciting! I, unfortunately, didn't have my iPad in them so don't have pictures. There are Mc Donald's, KFCs, Pizza Hut, Dominos and Starbucks here. Starbucks is pretty much the same, even price wise with a slightly more limited option. The others all include rice options and have a ton of things that aren't offered in the states or lack things that are. The Pizza Hut is a nice restaurant with servers in ties or neck scarves and a 4 or 5 pg menu. Everywhere offers boiling hot water as your water option. Even at the hospital they had a pitcher of hot water at your bedside. 

The restaurants I found most interesting were the Chinese ones. We went to the duck restaurant, which is a tradition for the teams. They had duck, of course. They served it with the head and neck beside the sliced meat. You take the duck and put it on a thin tortilla with plum sauce and some sliced green onions. It was absolutely delicious! They had a bunch of other delicious things as well I won't describe because this is way too much talk about food right now. I was asked to describe it so I am doing my best. The last restaurant I will mention I went to yesterday. We got plates of dumplings! They were sooooo yummy, but everyone eats a ton in China so I could eat like a quarter of it. You get tickets and then go outside to the stoves where there are people frying them in the stoves. I felt so badly for those fellows sweating in the stifling heat! They looked miserable. The dumplings are served with vinegar and red peppers to dip it in. They have sodas there you can get to go with them. They are called "happy" in Chinese and are a soda only served in Louyang. Over all it was delicious, and Chinese food is something I definitely enjoy, and that is enough about that!