Maria's Big House of Hope

My whole purpose in coming to China was to serve these orphans in what way I could. When I arrived in Luoyang and was able to see where the base of my mission would be. It is an amazing place. It is palace that iliac it's every sort of emotion. I was able to experience it for the first time through the team that flew in with me. Maria's hosts teams of volunteers for a week at a time and let's them play with the children and learn some about their purpose. It was wonderful to be able to share my first experiences with them. They were/are all wonderful people and welcomed me to their group and let me participate in their meetings where I also learned about my new home. Mari's was founded by a couple who was moved to help these Chinese orphans and has been helping them for years. They started by being allowed to select two of the sickest children to take and help treat, having to leave the rest behind. Later they came to view them as an asset and started to send them their sickest children. They eventually allowed them a floor of the orphanage to treat these children. They were not only struck with the needs of the disabled or I'll orphans, but also by those that were most certainly unable to survive. They started asking for these children as well, so that they would not have to die alone. They could die comfortable and being held in someone's arms. Eventually they were able to grow and branch out opening floors in orphanages across china. Due to some very large donations they were able to open Maria's Big House of Hope, a hospital/sanctuary for the most ill orphans they are either able to treat and restore to some semblance of a normal life or usher on to the father wrapped in comfort and love. It is a beautiful, yet tough purpose. It is something you can not truly comprehend until you see it first hand. I know the team was torn between the great joy and the terrible emotional pain they experienced with every interaction. Honestly I was as well, though it was from a slightly different direction for myself. 

There are usually 144 children, almost all under the age of 4 housed at Maris's Big House of Hope. There are 2-3 nurseries on very floor. The 5th house the ICU nursery where many of the children go who are gravely ill or have a strong likelihood of not surviving. There is always hope of graduation from the floor, and some do, but many don't. The harsh reality is that more children breathe their last in Maria's than recover and move back to the orphanage or on to families. That is not something you would imagine going floor to floor seeing children laughing and playing. Walking into a room and having three little ones rush up to tumble in your lap, and another giggling at you from a bouncer. You do see many feeding tubes, some oxygen, children with urine bags, children unable to walk, some with enlarged heads or deformed limbs, and a lot of CP or Down's syndrome, but more than that you see smiling faces and laughter. These children are so responsive to love and affection. There is one little boy about 3 that loves to give kisses. He will walk up to you and plant one on your lips, then kiss himself in the mirror, and his toy, and his cracker :P Another little boy who can't walk but will pull himself into your lap if you sit near him, and so many who are not able to do much, but if you touch their cheek or hand they will turn towards you and nestle close. I can not begin to explain the joy of just sitting in a room and have little ones reach up to you, or a little boy shy of most people start trying to walk to you and giggling at your faces, his repaired cleft lip crinkling up at you. 

There, when fully fully staffed, is a nurse to a floor and one for both the 5th and first. Currently there are three nurses out and one pulled in to assist leaving two nurses for 144 children. When I asked about the shifts a nurse works there it was explained to me that the nurses are on 24/7. They do official rounds twice a day and spend the rest of the day checking children and answering the questions so the i.e.s. (I don't know how to spell the Chinese word, but it means "auntie" and is the term used for the nannies. It sounds I E. ) The nurses live on their floor and the ie's will wake them if there is a problem and if a child has a rough night they are up all night and still do their rounds at 8 in the morning. There is typically and ie for every 2 children. They all only speak mandarin, but are extremely sweet and friendly. I can not tell you how many time one has tried to hold a conversation with me. It amuses me because they do the same thing Americans do and sometimes think if they repeat it and add emphasis it will spark understanding. It does not. So if you are trying to communicate with someone who speaks another language, just keep in mind they don't understand your words and won't no matter the volume, enunciation, pausing, or repetition. They are able to still get their point across sometimes, and I am going to meet with the Chinese teacher when I get back and hopefully learn as much as I can. I truly feel terrible not being able to communicate with them in their own country, besides which I am pretty useless as a nurse to them until I do. The nurses here also function a lot on their own. Since they are short staffed right now they have only 1 nurse in many of their units who function almost autonomously. Since Joyce, the doctor who confounded all of this has been in the hospital Dr. Steve is the only doctor for all of their locations. He sees all of the children at Maria's every day and keeps in constant contact with the nurses of the other units answering their questions and giving orders. The nurses typically deal with the day to day things completely on their own administering oxygen or Tylenol when needed. The amount that these people have dedicated of themselves to this is an amazing thing!

I was considering this and becoming very overwhelmed. I just graduated and am not experienced or confident in my solo nursing at all yet. They are so understaffed and need so much help that I was so worried that I wouldn't be what they needed or able to help much. I was mid flipping out to Caleb when one of the girls from the team came and found me. She hadn't been able to find the nurse for her floor and there was a little boy having a coughing fit and turning blue. She was very concerned and wanted me to check him. I warned her I might not be able to help much, but I went to check. The little boy was tiny with spastic cp and a history of multiple pneumonias due his swallowing issues. He had a feeding tube in and was resting better when I came in. I stayed with him and held him helping calm him through his next episodes and keep upright and try and prevent aspiration. He settled in my arms and was able to so fairly well there. I continued to hold him most of the afternoon. When the nurse and doctor came in they checked him for me. Apparently this had been becoming more frequent. Since he was resting calmly the doctor asked me to come see another little boy who would need someone to accompany him for surgery in Hong Kong if I would be willing. I of course agreed. While we were there we were called back to the room because the boy I had been holding had had another spell. This one was worse so he was checked and put on oxygen and given medication since he had started a fever as well. It was likely he was again suffering from pneumonia. He improved with those measures. The next morning I was informed over breakfast that he had been moved up to Mariah's room. He had had a rough night and probably didn't have much time left. Let me explain who Mariah is. She is the one other nurse from the states. She is the head nurse of Maria's and sees over the ICU on the 5th floor and the children on the first. More importantly she is the mom of every child in that building. She will tell you that and there is not a doubt in my mind that it is true. You could never guess one human's capacity to love until you have met Mariah and seen how she sacrifices any life for herself and all of her love for each and every child there. I went up to her office and she was holding him. She had been with him all night. I offered to watch him while she did rounds and she explained that, no, she wasn't doing rounds that morning. Dr. Steve would cover, he was hers now and she wasn't going to leave him. Dr. Steve came and we checked the one room, by the time we returned the dear little boy was gone. That was hard. Mariah changed his diaper for a fresh one and tenderly wrapped him in a sheet for the orphanage to pick him up. Dr. Steve said a prayer and I assisted and mostly held myself together. After the others walked away I couldn't help touching his tiny head through the white sheet and shedding a few quiet tears as I said my own blessing over this sweet child I had held in my arms calmly settled and sleeping only hours before. We had talked of the reality of Maria's over breakfast and I was aware before I came. I had accepted it, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt to let go of a little one who had so easily stolen my heart a little with only one encounter. He no longer struggled and could finally rest peacefully, it was a truth that was undeniable. They have a beautiful motto there that goes something like this "Comfort always, ease  sometimes, and when possible, save". Basically it means that their main goal is to give comfort and ease pain and only when possible can they actually save a child. Dr. Steve then asked if I was ready to complete my rounds. I nodded yes carefully trying not to show too much emotion and continued on. This was my purpose in being here and I knew this was a reality I needed to learn to live with and come to terms with. With all of this rushing through my mind and heart I entered the next room. A little boy about 2 or 3 I had never met before rushed across the room to give me a hug. I could never dream of explaining what that moment meant to me. That child's hug was everything I needed and more in that moment. That gave me all of the strength I needed to carry on. The next day or two I got to Skype my mother and we both finally cried for that little boy. Even now my eyes are watering writing this with my own dear little one asleep in my lap in a hospital in Hong Kong. That evening a little girl came in no bigger than my two hands at three months. She was returned to them for failure to thrive and because she had gotten so ill there was little hope. She was placed tenderly on an incubator by Mariah who explained that now their goal was to love on this child above all else. I went to check on her in the morning and her incubator was already empty. Mariah had stayed up for her last breath as well. There is so much harsh reality in that place. The children abandoned, probably for their deformities, the stigma of their illnesses, and the fragility of life even in tiny children who should just be starting the journey of their lives rather than ending it. In spite of all of that there is such beauty to be seen in the children themselves and in the people who give all of their lives and hearts to them. No child leaves this world from Maria's unloved or uncared for. 

China adventuring

So! I finally got to explore China a little. I got to go to the silk and the pearl market with the girls. That was a whole new experience. When I heard "market" I immediately thought of outside tents and such, instead the silk market was a six floor building. Each floor was dedicated to something different. There was an entire floor of shoes. They had a ton of converse and toms that they were selling for incredibly cheap. Then they of course had a silk floor where they had silk sheets, duvets, dresses, nightgowns, robes, ties, scarves, authentic dress, covered journals, fans, and so much. Hey even had tailors that would make you a Chinese dress or tailor you a suit in. A day. That was a lot more expensive, but way cheaper than would be found in America. The other floors were a mixture of things. They had some electronics, a nail salon, clothing stores, suitcases, toys, a magic shop, intricate Chinese sculptures, jewelry, and tons of cheap Chinese souvenirs. There was so much stuff and so many people packed into such small places. Each floor had a ton of glass walled "stores". I hesitate to say stores because they were the equivalent of booths, but with walls. Each was very tiny and jam packed with trinkets and people. There were two-three Chinese workers for every tiny shop and as you walked down they would all yell to you telling you to come look, great price, so and so name brand, come in. If you stopped to look t anything for even a moment they instantly would start bargaining with you for the item. Bargaining is a must there. It was totally crazy! You are never supposed to take their initial price. Rule of thumb is to offer one third of the original offer. I was kind of nervous about it at first, but I got to watch the other girl do it and was amazed. Walking away is key, and not being too interested. You should always have a price in mind that you are willing to spend, and don't change that. They will offer you an extreme price and then you have to offer them a really low one and keep bargaining. I pretty much just had my price and didn't change it. I got an authentic style Chinese silk dress there for 100, which is about 15 US dollars. I was pleased. We all got them at the same time she said 400 to begin with for mine and two others. The one girl and I said not more than 100 or we weren't getting one. The other girls were expected to pay more for the embroidery. Anyways, that was fun. I also got a charger for my phone. Pretty much everything else I decided to wait on because I wanted to see if anyone had any orders and if I had any money left after my trip. Pretty much all I have to live on while I'm here is what my parents and a couple people have been good enough to give me, so blowing it now seemed a poor option. If I have money when I'm done I am totally going to use it for wicked awesome presents. 

There was also a food court on the top floor. You know how American food courts have Italian, Chinese, fast food ect? Well they had a western food place(like American), Korean, and a bowl of noodles place. It was kind of awesome and intimidating. First you got a giant plate and then picked from rows of balled meat and fish on a stick. You couldn't tell what type of meat it was because they were all kind of turned into paste and made into balls. There was also seaweed, different random fungi, and types of greenery (all on sticks). Next you picked which bundle of dried noodles you wanted, and finally what veggies. You handed all of this to them, payed per stick of whatever and they mad it into some sort of soup bowl? One of the girls and I were going to order something off of the menu but we got up there and pointed to the menu and she just shook her head no. The only girl that spoke Chinese had already gone. We didn't know what response to give to that. Everyone pushed in front of us and we went across the hall and got delicious Korean food. We had the dumplings and this rice and beef and veggie dish and it was awesome! It took about two minutes to get to the table and was still sizzling on the skillet they gave us. One of the things that is still a little funny, though should be obvious is that they served it with chopsticks and no forks in sight. That is how everything is pretty much served unless they are offering specifically western food. Like we get chopsticks with Chinese food they get forks with American food. It was delicious! Anyways. We then went to the pearl market. I am sleepy and this has taken way too long to go up already so I'll attempt to be brief. It was another building like the silk market only this time without walls. They had tons of booths with everything. The first at least was just random stuff, a lot of electronics. You hit the second floor and there were pearls everywhere! You could get a set or real pearl earrings for about 2 US dollars. One girl got a necklace, a bracelet, a pendant, and three sets of earrings for about 30 US dollars. They all had just strings of pearls and would size and make necklaces for you on the spot if you didn't like the size of the ones they had. What impressed me was their intricately carved jade jewelry and the silver work in it. I didn't think I was a jade person, but they were absolutely beautiful! They had some really nice amber jewelry as well. I haven't really worn amber, but I have always found it a super neat concept. Apparently they have the more expensive jewelry upstairs with fine metal clasps and such and the more perfect pearls, but we didn't really get a chance to look. I didn't get pearls there but I did bargain exceedingly well! I was super proud of me. There was a Starbucks there, and what was funny was how cheaply everything compares to American prices, but Starbucks translates to almost exactly the same price if not a couple of cents more! The one girl spent more on her coffee than she would pay for a pearl necklace. It is a totally different world. Well I am sure there are a million more stories from that day, but I am going to sleep before the baby wakes and write more about my other adventures that have lead me here tomorrow.

Day 2

Well I have learned a lot so far. I got to play with some of the babies and learn a little bit about Chinese culture and try lots of new things. It's the morning of the third day in Beijing at New Hope since I can't sleep past 5am (5pm my normal time).

The first thing I found interesting was that I learned a lot more about the adoption process and hope it works with these children. These children that are taken in here are from the Chinese government run orphanages. They're the children that are too sick or require too much work for them to be able to treat or save. It sounds terrible, but then you hear how the government run orphanages are packed past capacity and each nanny has 12 babies to care for. They have so many children to work with it is next to impossible to fulfill the specific needs. Here each nanny has two babies each. If one of them has special needs or requires extra time and attention they can't give it to them. That's one of the reasons that we get a lot of cleft palate babies. They require a lot of time and patience to feed. The nannies have so many responsibilities they don't have the time so they often die of malnutrition. Isn't that so sad? Something so simple... These aren't the only problems you see. There are a lot of children with heart defects and malformed limbs and many many unique disease that are rarely seen in the states. Right now I am at the Beijing based program where the children are pretty much stable, either gaining strength for surgery or or gaining strength after. Where I am going, Maria's Big House of Hope, is where the more critical cases are. Apparently the survival rate there isn't the best since they get the babies who are in the most desperate of health. Some of them are there for purely palliative care since their conditions are incompatible with life. I was shown a picture of one of the babies who had a large sac out of the back of his skull where his brain had formed outside of his body. He died on the train ride to receive surgery. It's really sad because these critical babies who need to go to Hong Kong for surgery don't have any sort of med flight or ambulance to travel by. They have to be carried on a regular train... 

Another thing I learned was about some of the child laws in China. Everyone has heard of their one child policy, though now some places allow for two. One thing I didn't know was that it was against the law to put your child up for adoption. It was also against the law for anyone to have an ultrasound to check for the sex of the child. People abandon their babies in public places where they know they will be found instead. That sounds like an extremely rough thing, but then I heard it often isn't the mother, or even done with her knowledge. These circumstances could be the result of the father or mother-in-laws. To me that would be a terrible fate, to have your child taken. In any case there is so much that must go into the process of believing in the need to abandon a child or having a child taken and abandoned. It is a terrible thought. There are probably so many reasons that I could never understand.

On a happier note! Adoption. Apparently they try very hard here to get the children matched with families before they leave the organization to go back to the Chinese orphanage. The Chinese orphanages handle all of the adoptions and when a child is well enough they must return to the orphanage. A family can not technically request a specific child. They can only say they want to adopt and will be given children's files. Apparently what you can do is give a specific child's name and description to a Chinese adoption agency and they can possibly try and find their file for you. I didn't realize, but if you don't have the money to adopt there are many organizations, such as ShowHope, that offer adoption grants, and if not that there are many groups that help with fundraising to help bring a child home. It is a wonderful thing and it is so wonderful to see these children, especially those ones that would need the attention and help, and know that some of them have families they are going home to. On the other hand it is also sad to those that don't. I'm going to tell you about two little boys I met yesterday. They both have the same nanny and are best friends. They usually are dressed a like and are pretty much brothers. The one has bilateral cataracts and cp (not too severe). The other was born with club feet and has a disease where it is difficult to move any of his joints and some don't move at all. His hands are smaller and missing at lease one finger. This makes it so it is very hard for him to use his hands at all or raise his arm much. He walks without bending his knees at all, but he is one of the brightest children! I mean that in personality and intelligence. He is 3 and can speak Chinese and English very well for his age and knows most of his colors and shapes. He was singing the alphabet song to me yesterday. He is so funny, he loves to play and be included and loves every activity laughing and smiling and somehow managing to do pretty much everything the other children do. When he left the preschool class yesterday he ran out yelling his friend's name, and he in turn ran to him yelling his. They met and hugged and said "I love you!". Can you imagine how adorable that was? The sad thing is that the one with cp and cataracts has a family, but the other still doesn't. I really hope he finds one. I hate to think how hard it will be for him without his friend and I don't know how he would do back in a crowded orphanage. He is far too bright and happy and inquisitive for him to handle it well, besides the fact he is very huggy and friendly. He is so cute. He can't hug exactly like everyone else. He kind of just runs into you and raises his arms a little. Yesterday he had me pick him up and said "nose!"and started vigorously rubbing noses with me. I couldn't stop laughing! Basically, he is ABSOLUTELY adorable. 

Other random interesting things. I ate Chinese food, but it was Northern Chinese food rather than Southern which is more like we have in the states. It was a tofu salad, a rice bread roll filled with bean paste, and rice porridge soup (pretty much a little rice in a lot of water...). It was pretty good, but I could only eat a little. Apparently the soup is what they always eat for breakfast. They drink the soup and do use chopsticks for everything else. I went for a bike ride through the town with two of the other girls. Bikes without gears suck (especially if you haven't used one since you we're 8) and even more so if it is broken and the tire pops. This is just an FYI for the curious. The town was neat. The stores are colorful, if rundown looking, and most of the distinctly ornate Chinese roofs. People drive very close to you and honk loudly. Honking is pretty much a greeting to any passing car or person, not all do it, but a lot. Their crops amuse me since they seem so random. There is corn planted everywhere. Sometimes in fields, and sometimes just on the outside edge of a fence or between trees or other crops or along the road. It is just funny to me the random places you see tiny bits of corn growing. There are a lot more workers working in the field than you see in ohio. There will be people all along the sides of the road. I even saw two lounge chairs along the side of the road and two workers lying on the side of the road taking a nap under some trees. Apparently you shouldn't buy fruit from the street venders because they pump it up with water to make it heavier. Also it is common knowledge you must carry around your own toilet paper for public restrooms. There are also, I have been told, often "squatty potties", sometimes they are just a trench in the ground in poorer areas. I am not looking forward to that....  Oh! Earlier I said that there were only green road signs, but I was wrong! I saw two blue ones yesterday! Finally, I went Chinese line dancing yesterday! That was interesting. They have it every evening at about 8 in then middle of town. There is an open area where mostly middle aged women go. They have a couple of leaders who turn on the music and lead the dances and others gather around the little square and watch or chat or participate. It is supposed to be a sort of dance aerobics. It reminded me of a sort of Zumba. It was fun! Just really hot since it is extremely hot and humid and smoggy here. A lot of the ladies in the front had matching green outfits, a Forrest green top, skirt and knee length leggings. It was adorable! Anyway, that is enough interesting things for one day I believe.

Front of New Hope

The little huts volunteers sometimes stay in

Directly at the sun through the everyday smog. This was a pretty clear day for China.

Some of the play areas for the kids, all from donations. There are little signs in thanks.

Back of New Hope

The bikes of all of the nannies

Out behind the building

So the journey starts

I am currently trying to stay awake since I was told not to sleep or I never will again, slightly paraphrased. I figured now was as good a time as any to start this.

Many people have requested I write a blog for various reasons. Since I am uncertain whether the primary interest is being constantly updated with my life, living vicariously through me to experience China, or because people really love baby stories I will try and do a little of each. Right now I have a couple of days of free time, but I make no promises about consistency of reporting after I get to Maria's Big House of hope because I honestly have no clue what is happening after that. I have had little idea of the specifics of my endeavor throughout my experience thus far. Anyways, day one: warning, I tend to talk a lot

Leaving people you love at the airport, knowing you won't see them for a long time sucks!!!! If you are planning to do so, be forewarned. Second important note, when you enter China you have have to have a booked return flight. If you don't you will be scrambling trying to buy one before they let you board your flight. Luckily there are refundable options if you don't know your return trip dates. If you do this you will probably spend your long flight concerned that when you get to China they won't let you in because of some other thing you didn't know you needed. A 14 hour flight is also good for considering how much you will miss those people you love, and how little you are prepared for the country you are going to. I, instead of having time to plan for china, graduated nursing school, took a summer anatomy and phys course, studied for and passed NCLEX, and applied to PA school. That left me less than a week to prepare for china. So.. I don't know Chinese, very little about the culture, and am totally unprepared for the necessities of international travel...anyways!!!! No big deal...in spite of all of this I lucked out. I traded seats so a girl could sit with her mom and ended up sitting next to a ChineseAmerican  gentleman and his 17 year old daughter. Charles and Anne were a Godsend! Charles was super friendly and talked to me all about china in the beginning of the flight. Half way through he gave me an in depth basics Chinese lesson (after which he proceeded to point out the characters that I knew in the Chinese subtitles). Towards the end he gave me all of the travel advice I lacked and desperately needed. One of the questions I asked was about money exchanging because I have no Chinese currency currently. The response that got me was his instant reply. I had asked specifically how he handled exchanging money for his family. He said he probably hadn't gotten enough, but they could definitely give me some, I would probably need some more for my entire stay though. That just got me, a complete stranger whose first thought was to make sure I had everything I needed including possibly financing my stay. After clarifying that it wasn't necessary I just needed to know how, though I was much appreciative, he explained further. Anywho, I was concerned that I didn't  have the exact address for the entrance card he said not to worry he'd give me an address if I needed one, and when we landed he waited for me and walked me through customs, found me a cart and helped me get my baggage. My next concern was that I didn't know who was meeting me or where. I had been told that someone would. That was all. Luckily there was a lovely gentleman with my name on a sign right across from the entrance. He didn't speak English so Charles checked with him if I would need any currency and then got my contact information so he could get me his so I could reach him if I had any problems in china. The moral of my story is that Charles, that sweet quirky fellow was my Chinese angel today/tonight/a little of both.

Now for my exciting quirks about china. Firstly, I got the Chinese option dinner on the plane and it comes with the most adorable tiny disposable soy sauce bottle! More importantly china itself. My first impression was that china seems to be perpetually in a fog. I was warned about the smog and it is certainly true. There is an industrial aroma and a fog that never abates, but it only take a little bit to get accustomed to. The freeway was pretty is similar, you could almost believe yourself in any unfamiliar American city if not for the occasional buildings with the ornate roofs, Chinese symbols on road signs, and everything measured metrically. I say almost because there were some other notable differences. Road rules are slightly optional, my driver slowed at a yellow light, didn't see anyone, and drove through the red. A lot of cars stop along the side of the freeway, apparently if you need to pee you just stop and do it off the side of the road, this applies to men from what I saw. I did try to not look too closely. I had to look to see if that was really what was happening, but my driver didn't speak English so there would be no way to explain why I would take such an avid interest in urinating men. Road signs are all green. There are a lot of bikes and carts and people think nothing of stopping in the middle of the road in them for conversations, everyone else just weaves between them. Chinese babies are adorable, ShowHope people are very sweet, and I am sooooo sleepy. There you are. That is enough for now I believe.